i just got the feeling to post now.now is already 12 plus and i just dont have the mood to go sleep now.althought i am tired.but just felt that now is not the time to sleep.probably after i let what my mind is thinking over here.

my boy is very busy.i just wish to spend more time with him before he go oeverseas.he going overseas for so many days that i definitely will be just wasting my time by letting day pass like that.i am afraid i cant keep him by my side forever.the frightening feeling do you understand ma.the hardshipp that we went through is for a purpose.which is i want to be with you forever eh.ever since my mummy know got your presence.i have try my very very very to listen to her.study hard for my o's.that is for what.for being able to be with you.she ask me do things i will never day no.i have try my very very very best to be her ever best daughter can do for the past few months.i have done what i can.but i cant help it.i am feeling so idiot.why i am so selfish.why i cant think from your view.maybe you also dont want all this to happen?maybe is i am too sensitive.maybe i am just so bad.maybe since the day we together.you had being suffering.or maybe since we toghether you had being enduring me.i cant promise there wont be next time.i cant contro my feeling.once i am sad for that day.i definitely will want to tell you.i want you to know what i am feeling right now.but something i dont want to say.scared you are too bothered by it.scared you find me annoying.maybe so far you can tolerate all this.i am just so sorry.i will try my best to be a good gf to you.i will try to be myself everyday without thinking so much.cause you had done alot as a part for a bf.its my turn to play a part as a gf.

o's is finishing.many things are still the same.nothing had improved.everything remain the same.the problem just like a jigsaw puzzle.last time was in a proper place.everything is piece together.now.everything is like messed up.there are missing piece.which cannot make everything back into whole one piece.i know they wont want to find this missing piece back.they cant be bother with this stupid one piece.maybe last time this piece had done alot of bad thing.that cause all this to happen.past few weeks i pretended to be strong.dont let all this push or pull me down.just for the o's.however.always see them.the strong me will not be strong anymore.i just want to erase all the moments we had.let my memories inside does not content you all.isnt it better?or their memories without me.i think it will be better.

i find myself that i am the extra one in the world.to my family.i seem to be the worse one.imaging without me in the family.i think it will be more complete.maybe without me.the jigsaw puzzzle will definitely will be pieced preperly everytime.maybe without me.he able to find someone much much much better than me.i find that i am the caused of everything.will someone just tell me whether it is true.my feeling who understand?my endurance had reach a limit.had reached to the place where i cant endure anymore.i just want to do something that can make me feel better.but i know it wont help.it will only make my bf sad.

i shall stop here.will find anytime to post.hope someone can understand how i feel.
Bye.

boy.
i will cherish you.
i know i am thinking too much.
this is nothing compared to what we had suffer last time.
to get to a better height.there must be obstacles.
this are just a small one.big ones we had overcome.
i make sure this as well.
i love you.