School had being so tired and stress for me. I know my grade are bad. I know I pay not enough attention to the class. But who understand me. Who know all that topic to me is soooo difficult? Who understand what I am going through. I have being keeping a lot of stuff to myself, didnt want to say it out, cause i know saying out make no difference. But my heart cant take it anymore. Being sick and going through classes, pretend I am alright. Showing other that I am alright and not sick is hard. Whenever I read your comment in the daily grade, do you know. I feel that I am just a useless people out there. But do you know. I am already doing my best. I didn't plagiarism other people work. I have my own dignity that I won't do such thing to submit to you. I don't expect to get very good grade for you. Getting a C every week from you is good enough for me already.

BB is another form of adding stress to me. Seeing how people look at me has always being a thing that I will do. Seeing myself as a girl that went back to BB to serve is something that I should not be proud of. I know being a girl out of soooo many boys, is not a good thing. I know this will happen even before I enter to serve. People do say me for what bring all this suffering to myself. To them, I am like bringing trouble to myself. But I believe that all this are just my imagination. Things won't go as bad as what I thought. But all this thing is all controlled. Things did happened the way how I thought before I enter. I know that I am a girl, but dont think I can't do much thing as you guys. I think I can do equal amount of you guys. If you guys don't give me chance to prove to you guys. I do not know what else I can do to make you guys change your point of view.

Being in this world is it something that I should be proud of? Sometime I think that if I am not in this world, many things will be much better. In class, people will not have problem working with me in a team. Will not know such a useless people. In BB, I will not be sandwich by people. I will not face so much problem that make me lose confidence in myself. Only problem that I think of that I can't find a solution is. If I am not in this world, will my boyf find a better girl than me. If he can find a better girl, then I really think that, I come to this world is a wrong choice. There is nothing that in this world, make me priceless. I am just not that worth that people will not treasure.