have been 4 days since i last post.this 4 days i am like just hurry up let the time past.and in a blink.baby is coming back tml.going to airport to find him.asking ru bin and hui tian to tag along.but i not sure whether they can not..and i also haven let my mummy know whether i can go not..haha..later gonna tell him..cause i wanna pass baby back his mushroom..if not at night he cant sleep.haha..today is last day of 2009..is so fast..1 whole year just pass like that.many things happened..but i did overcome all the things and finish this year.next yr i wanna study hard and be a good girl..haha..i think is kinda hard to achieve.but i will try.the 1st day of the year really hope i able to go out.i wanna see baby as soon as he is back..haha..cant wait for it..okay..i shall stop here..post again tml..bye.

baby coming back..
super miss him lo..
want to see him asap..

5 more days baby then he is back.1 more week to 16 months.today my sister birthday we went out to eat for lunch.during the lunch.my parents was talking to my brother that i should go get a job during weekdays lo.if not like wasting time.finally they allowed me to find a job.but they want me to work at cold storage.is like haix..cant choose..soo okay lo.go see whether cold storage wanna let me work not lo.then i sunday will still be working for the starhub thingy.that is a must.cause can work with baby.normally sunday used to it working but today never work is like feel so weird.cause like go so many hours need to pass.dont know how to spend lo.just now reached home around 3.30pm.then we played the monopoly deal and went down to vista.so now here i am posting at 6.30pm.later gonna see newspaper to check jobs available.so i gonna stop here..bye..
baby..faster come back ): waiting for you to be back ):

hellossss... back home from a day out with winona and my parents.morning around 11 plus met winona.went to tampines to shop.bought things and stuff.. i spend so much for shopping out the past few days.i am like ughhh.update my bankbook today..and i am curios why there is $49 in to the bank for 3 weeks.i told winona and she say..your salary la..i was like.omg..so stupid.that i forget about my salary.talking about salary.i am not working tml..my sister birthday tml.so we might be going out to eat. i am not sure for lunch or dinner.my mummy just allowed me to have something which i am like so happy.finally.after so many attempts.haha.. when baby is back..i definitely will share the news with him immediately.confirm.6 more days baby is coming back..and 8 more days to our 16 months together.i am so happy..everything is arriving in a fast speed.haha..for us to spend our 16 months together..will be when we work..as 8 days later we both are working..haha..i dont mind like that spend together.afterall is the whole day.haha.
just now play deal card with my siblings.everything went smoothly during the first match..however.2nd match when my younger brother joined in..my brother and my younger brother quarrel.and the game just ended like that.was like errrr...first time we like that sat down and play together and it fail to last long.
okay..i shall stop here..lazy to type.and and and..i got 3 big blister from the day out..
baby.i miss you and love you alot alot.waiting for you to be back.

today is christmas.everyday post here is cause i got alot of words for baby.today got 2 cousin ask me about baby.i was like why must they ask.i am already suffering without baby in singapore.this is what the conversation:
me: sister, can help me get my hp.
cousin: who text?boyfriend ah?
me:errr..nope..is nazirah..bf not in singapore.
after i say she kept quiet.i am like so hurt.
just unwraped all the gifts.i will rather not to have any gifts than without baby by my side.tml gonna start doing the cross stitch again.had stop doing for so many days.cause for the past few days i still unable to settle my heart down and not to think about baby.hopefully by tml i able to do so.today.something happen.and yet.i am the victim again.everything happened and i am is the victim.how can they like that.i am like so hurt lo.have they ever consider my feeling?why must be when baby is not around and so many things happened?is like when i need him so much by my side lo.
tml i gonna go out with winona to tampines.i dont wanna stay at home.i rather go out and spend my time outside.this will make me feel better.gonna look for dress for tuesday's wedding dinner.

can someone tell me isit i am being so stupid to wait every night for him to come online?but this is the only way that i able to know how is he.no matter how late i also willing to wait.but the problem is the timing over there is 6 hours of difference.when is midnight 2 to 3.there is only 8 to 9 pm lo.oh maybe the hotel that he is staying does not have any wireless internet.that make him unable to sign in to leave me any offline msg.am i really silly to wait?can anyone understand what i feel?how can they simply say that aiya,10 days very fast over de la.althought 10 days can be say is quite short but my heart is like cant endure.how i wish tml is 1st jan already lo.so i can see my baby le lo.but i think these 10 days maybe is a test for us.let us see whether our love can endure the test not.maybe cause during these 1 year plus with him.we went thru alot of hardship.so i tresure him more than towards any of my ex.he is just too important to me.
okay.i shall stop here.post again tml night.hope miracle happened.
i love baby and miss baby alot alot.

do He hear my prayer?
my word to Him is so important.
does He heard my words to him?

Baby had been overseas for 2 days already. 2 days.this 2 days really hard to endure..but there is nothing i can do to faster the day.but must thanks to those who accompany me this 2 days.luckily with you all around to kill my boredness..accompany me to text and even out with me to buy gifts and everything.listen to my nonsense.today is christmas eve le.tml is christmas le.another year of christmas which is kinda bored.last yr i was not around in singapore.this yr is baby turn who is not in singapore.i really hope that there is one yr that we both can spend all the festival together.will next yr be the yr?

yesterday waited for baby you to come online to see my offline msg.
i not sure whether isit there is not internet for you to come online or you are too tired to do so.
i not sure how are you doing now over there.
all these feeling are just like when we seem to be separated unwillingly just like the past.
last time is i hurt baby alot.now is the other way round.
i know baby are not gonna leave me alone forever.
but i dont sense the security.baby's promise seems to be easily broken.
many worries are in my mind.
i need more courage to face all different difficulties.
i need to be more brave and learn to be independent.

many things happened last night.do you see what i left for you at the msn.
do you know at that moment.i really hope you can suddenly appear infront of me to console me.
do you know is my first time overcoming this alone.
do you know i put a fake face to everythings that i went thru last night.
how i wish when the quarrel take place, i able to tell you immediately.
so you can text me back and tell me.is okay..dont bother about it.
everything make me feel so extra in the world without you.


today many things happened as well.
i did not able to finish shopping for the christmas gift that i wanted to buy.
not sure whether tml i able to go out and buy it.
my mummy all today came back late.as if there are still many hours for the day.
today morning without baby text early in the morning.i unable to wake up on time to meet rubin.
is like many thing getting weird without baby's by my side for these few days.
can the time pass even faster?everything i use to see my phone for baby's text.
now i dont.i would rather throw my phone aside just to forget he is not around.
many things i unable to achieve alone.like letting the time pass.
i am trying to my best to plan lots of activities that wont make me bored.
i would rather spend more time outside.and let time pass.come back home atlest wont be alone.
miss those nights that i spend talking on the phone with baby.those call make me sleep better.
these two days i unable to fall alseep so easily cause without the phone.
yesterday i fall alseep around 2 just to turn around on the bed to get asleep.
hopefully tonight wont be like that again ba.just take it that baby is in camp.
many things happened and i learn to stand firm.
just met yan ling.she pass me christmas gift.and yet.i never bought any for her.
maybe tml buy for her.recieve one text from her and i am glad to see that few words.
i think i gonna stop here.if not when baby is back.he will have to read for a long time to finish just one post.
gonna wrap all the giftsssss..
baby's gift i will pass him when he is back and i promised i will make it before he is back.
i love you baby.
i miss you baby.
i need you baby.
muackssssssss.

accept it?am i really able to accept the fact?or i am just blindly bluffing myself that i have accept it. he is leaving to a 8000+ km away from singapore.is a fact.but why cant i just tell myself to accept it.isit really that difficult.wondering how other couples able to accept it.10 days without any of his news. probably first few days are abit hard.but i filled myself with activities.wondering really this activities can make me stop my mind from running wild.sat onwards will be harder.without any activities.next tues will be my cousin's wedding. seeing many couples together.and yet i cant even had a single contact with my boyfriend.is so suffering. i really hope now God can tell me.how i can let go of this suffering.how i can overcome this problem.
i know every now and then when he is away.i will pray for his safety and health.cause i found out the weather over there.is nasty.and the place i just find it unsafe to travel.many problems not we can solve.just like this.going overseas are decided by parents.just like when i go malaysia.is so hard to bear the suffering.but is only for 3 days.i can endure it.10 days i think is impossible.probably i will just spend my time doing nothing.sleep?stonning?hopefully family dont come and disturb me.if not they will only recieve nasty reply.i think i unable to control my temper over small conversation with them.2 hours more?he should be on his way to airport?flight midnight 2am.i not sure whether i able to sleep after he left tonight.probably after a few hours i will get to sleep.at first wanna sent him off at airport.but midnight no transport back home except taxi.so drop the idea.plan to spend the whole day with him today since morning.in the end.fail to achieve.no more chance.
i think i shall stop here ba.is like if i continue more.i not sure i able to control my feeling.
when i online the next few days i then post again.also must see whether i able to control my feeling when posting.i does not want my family to know what happened to me.
i super love my boyfriend.
i super miss my boyfriend.
i super hate to see him leave.
i super want him to be my side.
can i have this selfish wish.
asking him to be my side and not leaving me?
asking him to love me and miss me more than me?
asking him to be careful and come back safely and healthly?